When I think back about how I used to view moms for their parenting style, I regard my judgments with a mixture of hilarity and shame. Even though Sarah is not even 4 months old yet, I have already gone back on at least half a dozen things I swore I would never do as a parent.
I guess I just didn't take it to heart until now.
Because when your baby is crying and you see those tears rolling down her face, you'll do ANYTHING to stop them. Even if does mean cranking up the white noise to a deafening volume, swaddling them so tightly you vaguely wonder if it's cutting off their circulation, holding a pacifier in with the side of your face and waltzing around with them in the dark attempting to sing lullabies. All at the same time. Because at that time, you just don't care if they end up being one of those kids who still has a 'binky' when they're heading off to kindergarten.
And when your baby FINALLY falls asleep at 3am, you will do anything to make sure they stay that way. Even it means taking half an hour to walk 10 feet out of their room.
And when you've gone through 6 disposable diapers before you've even had a chance to make your morning coffee, you'll double over laughing wondering why you ever thought cloth diapering was a good idea.
You just can't KNOW what you'll do as a parent until you and your spouse are sitting on your bed in the middle of the night, trying to calm your screaming baby, giving each other alarmed looks and waiting for the other person to know what to do. Then you both realize that you are equally clueless and neither of you knows what to do, and no amount of internet research will give you the answers you're looking for.
After the first few weeks when you both feel triumphant that the baby is not only alive, but healthy and thriving, you finally understand that your baby is unique. That she is an individual unlike any other person who has ever been born. And because of that, you and your baby just have to figure it out together.
And there will be bumps in the road. Tears will be shed. You will think you are a horrible parent. You will lose your patience. You will simultaneously be happier than you've ever been but also more exhausted than you've ever felt. Your relationship with your spouse will have added stress, but your marriage will be taken to such a deeper level that it will be hard to remember what life was like before you had kids.
It will never be the same.
And that's just fine.